It took me so long to leave because I didn’t want my family to be torn apart, I wanted our kids to have the lives we didn’t get. I fell in love with you when I was very young and I have been hooked on you like a bad drug ever since. Don’t get me wrong, there has been good times, even great times. But for the most part its been painful. I’ve come to realization that it’s not me, it never has been. You don’t love me and you never have because you are not capable of love. I am a happy person full of so much love. I have so much to give and I keep giving and giving and getting nothing but s**t in return. I was so scared that getting a divorce would mean I don’t get to see my kids, I won’t get to spend holidays with my babies, I’d miss life events and memories, I’d miss so much if we got a divorce. But the truth is, it wont be me missing out, it will be you because of where your priorities stand. You’ve willing missed out on so much already. Our son is 3 and you’ve been in out of his life. I will continue to be the best mother to both of our kids whether you’re in the picture or not. I always imagined doing it together, but just because it’s the end of you and I doesn’t mean It’s the end of having a family. A family isn’t just having a mom, dad, kids, pets, a house. Family is about love, enjoying each other, making memories together, growing together, laughing together, going through the good and bad as a whole and I will have that with our kids. Do I have all the money to provide that amazing life I would like for them right now? No. but I will someday and I know I will because of the individual that I am. Honestly I do love you, but it’s not worth it anymore. The sleepless nights wondering if you will come home, or if you’re even alive, aren’t worth it. Having to explain to our son why it’s bedtime and daddy isn’t home or why daddy passed out right when he came stumbling through the door, isn’t worth it. Giving my all and never being good enough, isn’t worth it. Having holidays and having to lie to family about where you are, isn’t worth it. Finding out other woman interest you more than your own pregnant wife, isn’t worth. The excuses and bulls**t you think the kids and I deserve to deal with aren’t worth it. The disrespect, manipulation and heartache, it’s not worth it. I realize what a beautiful life I have and I will continue to live an awesome life. I can say I fought till the bitter end, what’s your bs excuse??
Author: mamabearusmc
Mama bear of 2 going through this crazy thing we call life!
Intro
If you’re reading this, can I guess a little bit of what you’re going through?? You are madly in love with someone that you just arent good enough for no matter what you do. He made you believe he was this amazing loving human being, but all of a suddden you don’t even know who he is anymore. You get blamed for everything and anything, even when you don’t even know what is going on. He acts superior to you and tends to break you down. You noticed yourself walking on egg shells because you were scared to upset him. He is irresponsible and unreliable. He acts completely different behind closed doors. He has muniplated his friends and family into thinking you are crazy and he doesnt understand your reactions to things becuase he doesnt do anything wrong. He changes stories to work in his favor. He may or may not have a substince abuse problem that you get blamed for but to him he doesnt have a problem. Nothing is ever his fault and everything is your fault.. The list goes on, but if any of this sounds familiar you are probably dealing with a Narc.
I fell in love with a Narc at a very young age. Now I am single pregnant mother with a beautiful 3 year old, going through a divorce. Our current situation is ugly and not ideal but I want to share my journey with you so you can know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You feel alone, I know. No matter how many people support you and tell you that you are doing the right thing by getting out of the situation you were in, you still do not feel like it. You may or may not have children with the Narc. It is hard enough going through it when it’s just you, but a million times harder when there are little ones involved, especially when you’re a mama bear like me and want to protect them from any bad in the world.. I recently moved out of our home and I am fighting for sole custody of our son.
I hope by joining my journey, it will help you if and when you get put in similar situations.
Mama's Life 